my love...

A year ago today, I found love. Only to lose it again the exact same moment it touched my life.

forever in silence...

And so it begins… silence, deafening in its totality. Again I am left with nothing but that old feeling of inadequacy, a feeling of being not good enough. Years ago, I’ve had that same feeling. Only, I was too young to feel the enormity of being left behind just when love began its hold on me. Now, I feel everything… the loneliness, the pain, the uncertainty, a measure of resigned sadness, and yes, still, a quiet acceptance, a sense of calm, of happiness that envelops my very soul.

Years of searching, of being incomplete, a restlessness coming from deep within, never satiated until you came back into my life. And now I know you are my true north, my other half, my anchor. Without you, life has been a constant search for direction, a lifetime of longing, an endless journey. Ah… what I would give to be with you, to have you, love you forever. You’ve chosen a different path, somewhere I cannot follow. As you walk yet again, away from me, I am left wondering if the roads we’re taking will cross again someday, if you will look kindly on me again, maybe even love me enough not to leave me.

As the silence engulfs my soul, an impenetrable shadow hides my heart from the world. Life will go on and I will feign interest in the world around me, but no one will ever see the pain in my heart as you walk away. My search is over, the restlessness gone though I am still incomplete as you are not by my side. As I grapple with all the conflicting emotions, one thing stands out. A moment of complete happiness, love and certainty… Thank you, for giving me that moment.

The silence continues... as I love you, forever...