How great it would be if I can actually write a story to tell my kids about my life. It might not be as exciting as a bestseller, but it would be something to help them understand why things have to be and how they came to be.
At times I can almost hear them ask questions, but never really voiced them out. And I can feel them at times struggle to accept what has become. Beyond un-asked questions and boundless understanding, I've always tried to be honest. In time I would tell them about you, but not yet.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Sunday, April 02, 2006
listen and you will hear
If there's one thing I can't stop it's time. Time moves on it's own with no regard for people. It never goes back always forward. It takes away the past and turns it into memories. No matter how I try, I never seem to catch up, time's always a step ahead, always moving too fast. And as time moves forward, I age, move slower, think more, act less. As a result, I am now way behind with no hope of ever catching up.
I always like to think that as time passes, life gets better. Maybe. At least for the most part. There is one thing that time forgot to take with it, my memory of you. Too many years have passed and yet what happened always seemed like yesterday. And as I slow down, yesterday, your memory is catching up on me.
Throughout the years I've tried to keep your memories at bay. Never really thinking, never really remembering. But even though I try so hard to do that, time has a way of creeping up on me and bringing the past into the present, ensuring that it is there for the future.
Since the beginning, I have never denied that I love you. I have gone through hell and back because of loving you. I almost lost everything because I was willing to give up everything just to be with you. But you walked away. You turned your back on me, unwilling to say why, not even to say you never loved me. And through all the years, I've tried to ask myself what was it that I did to send you away. I blamed everything and everybody else, but most of all I blamed me. Maybe I loved you too much, maybe I didn't show it enough, may be you thought I wasn't serious enough and maybe I wasn't worthy of your love.
I've created so much doubt on myself that I stayed away, hurt other people, but most of all I've hurt myself. I tried moving on, build my self confidence, even fooled myself into believing that I can and will love again. But again, time showed me that it was all in vain. I did manage to move on but my heart stayed. My heart stayed back in time, the time when you and I were together. The happiest time when I heard you say you loved me, the time when we dreamed of our future together. As my heart never left your side, my mind tried to move forward. To take me far away and try not to hurt too much. But the mind sometimes get tired and let it's guard down. That's when the past catches up and makes the future seem bleak.
Moving on... almost ten years and nothing to show for it, except the fact that I still love you. Time passes and I wonder if I'll ever see you again. Just to see your smile, hear you laugh, be in your presence. Will I ever hear you say you love me? Maybe not, but you will hear me. I love you, sweetheart.
I always like to think that as time passes, life gets better. Maybe. At least for the most part. There is one thing that time forgot to take with it, my memory of you. Too many years have passed and yet what happened always seemed like yesterday. And as I slow down, yesterday, your memory is catching up on me.
Throughout the years I've tried to keep your memories at bay. Never really thinking, never really remembering. But even though I try so hard to do that, time has a way of creeping up on me and bringing the past into the present, ensuring that it is there for the future.
Since the beginning, I have never denied that I love you. I have gone through hell and back because of loving you. I almost lost everything because I was willing to give up everything just to be with you. But you walked away. You turned your back on me, unwilling to say why, not even to say you never loved me. And through all the years, I've tried to ask myself what was it that I did to send you away. I blamed everything and everybody else, but most of all I blamed me. Maybe I loved you too much, maybe I didn't show it enough, may be you thought I wasn't serious enough and maybe I wasn't worthy of your love.
I've created so much doubt on myself that I stayed away, hurt other people, but most of all I've hurt myself. I tried moving on, build my self confidence, even fooled myself into believing that I can and will love again. But again, time showed me that it was all in vain. I did manage to move on but my heart stayed. My heart stayed back in time, the time when you and I were together. The happiest time when I heard you say you loved me, the time when we dreamed of our future together. As my heart never left your side, my mind tried to move forward. To take me far away and try not to hurt too much. But the mind sometimes get tired and let it's guard down. That's when the past catches up and makes the future seem bleak.
Moving on... almost ten years and nothing to show for it, except the fact that I still love you. Time passes and I wonder if I'll ever see you again. Just to see your smile, hear you laugh, be in your presence. Will I ever hear you say you love me? Maybe not, but you will hear me. I love you, sweetheart.
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