a question to ponder...

A friend once asked me, do you regret ever falling in love? I know the answer to it, but being asked point blank made me pause to consider my answer. It also made me wonder where the question came from (but I will come back to that).

Have I ever regretted falling in love?

I fell in love when I shouldn't, when I least expected it, and with the most unexpected person. It was a shock to say the least, to suddenly find out, undeniably and irrevocably that I was in love with someone. Suddenly, my life was not mine anymore. Love chose me and not the other way around. This is that aspect of love that nobody can control. The "shouldn't" part, though considerably hard had an easier solution... you just let it be without doing anything about it.

Destiny? Fate? That we should meet, fall in love and part ways. Sometimes, in the passing of years, I wanted to doubt the reality of that love. Was it only me? Was it the same for him? But when I reach down to recapture those moments, I know in my heart that it was real, that it is still real for me. Some would say that maybe it's what I wanted to see. Maybe. It was a time in my life when I found myself really happy. In a moment of absolute certainty, I felt that no matter what, I will remember this love for as long as I live. And I have. It is a part of who I am right now. At times when pain overwhelms me, I would think how life could have been different. But then I still would choose love, the pain and the memories.

I never regretted falling in love. Once in a while I give myself a mental kicking for losing that love thinking maybe I did not fight for it hard enough. Then I look towards the future, sometimes wishing... but always accepting what I've come to know as inevitable.

goodbye 2005

Winter. Though I love this season, I think it's also the season that emphasize the fact that at times I feel so alone. New Year came and went, the whole of 2005 is now a memory. With a few slip-ups, I think it's been a good year.

Cold weather, a cup of coffee and my memories... Cheers to 2006!