A moment like this....

A Moment like this.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
Some people search forever for that one special kiss.
I cant believe its happening to me.
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.
-Kelly Clarkson

Simple lines from a song, but powerful enough to bring me to tears. This song has been around for some time, but for some reason when I was listening to it yesterday as I was driving, it brought me on the verge of a breakdown. I had to park on the side of the road because I just could not keep driving(thank goodness I was off the freeway by that time).

What made me cry? I don't know exactly. Maybe it's the realization that I have found that moment in time and have lost it. That it will never come again even if I wait another lifetime. One special moment, one special kiss, a smile then it was gone. Years have passed, I know I have moved on, somewhat. But once in a while the memory can still overwhelm me, and when it does the all the years of moving on seem to vanish into thin air and I'm back again to where I've started.

Sometimes it makes me wonder what the point of moving on is all about. I don't think one can really recover from losing the one that you love. Sure, I can always say it's all in the past, I have a new life now, but honestly, do you ever really move on and leave the past behind? Or is it forever going to be like this? At the most unfortunate moment, something will trigger that memory and you'll remember that no matter what you do and no matter where life takes you, you'll never be complete because of that moment you've lost forever.

This I think is what tires me more than anything. Everything is going right then something triggers the memory and I'm thrown back in time. Oh, I recover fast now, not like before, but I think it's taking its toll on me. I just hope I can keep this up till everythings as it should be.

there goes the faith...

It's been a while. I try not to think too much for fear that I would lose whatever peace I've come to have. Most of the time I read, nothing serious to prompt me to think too deeply though. Lately I've read a trilogy about a Christ clone, which in the end turned out to be the anti-Christ prophesized in the Bible. The book started out really well, introducing concepts and ideas about Christ and religion in a different light. Though at times it tends to preach, it established a good framework for the story. I could have said that in all the books were good but in the end, all it ended up with are old teachings and old beliefs that people like to cling on to. It gives them hope to do this I guess. I just wonder when someone can actually write something about Christ and all he stands for without reverting to ingrained religious beliefs. But I guess this would be somewhat impossible. For how can one write about Christ without the beliefs ingrained by the Church, when he is the symbol of that very belief?