too much honesty

I think I've heard somewhere that sometimes too much honesty is the fall of man. Now don't ask me who said that because I don't remember. Well, whatever or whoever it is, I think it's true. Next time, I'd rather be vague and let others interpret what I've said than tell them outright what is and what is not. Please give me more patience to get some things over with. I fear the consequences if I fail to exercise this virtue to its full extent.

moving on

One of my friends told me she stopped reading my blog for now. Some of the writings here gets her in a depressed state. When asked why, she said, I write of sad things, of lost love. Before, she only accepts what I'm going through without question because she's my friend, but now I guess she understands how it feels. I know she loved and lost. Don't worry my friend, time is a good ally. I will not lie to you that it will take a long time to get over it, or maybe you will never get over it, just learn to live with the fact that the memories will be your company as you grow old. But time has a way of making us accept and be at peace with ourselves. There will be times when you will cry while watching a love story, or feel envious when you see couples holding hands, but as time passes by it will not be as bad.

these days...

In a few more days, it'll be my fourth year here in this new life of mine. The years have actually gone by fast, though on some days I felt that everything dragged. I can still remember the flurry of activities, all the paperwork, with no real thought that I will be leaving my life, the only life I've known, behind for good. I had honestly thought that I'd be gone for a couple of months tops.

As life and fate would have it, they played their little trick and I'm still here, awaiting for the final pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. I really shouldn't complain, everything has been good. I've been slowly but steadily building a good life, getting everything set for my children. In a couple of more months I would have achieved what a lot of people can only dream of. Patience and hard work has its rewards.

And as I labored this last month to survive, as I always do every year at this time, my friend asked me to read a couple of books. The books were great, of that I am sure. Its about a love so strong that it stood the test of time. Greater still because it was able to overcome sickness and death. But in all its greatness, where exactly does it leave me? Me and all others who have suffered a lost love. Most will cry, some will be renewed with hope, still some will remain the same... lost.

I have always wondered how one goes on with life when one has already died inside. It's been almost nine years, but I'm still here, alive. Am not so sure if I'm actually living, but I'm definitely alive. I've chosen this path because I have my children to think of. And to think, I've almost given them up when I thought, no, when I knew with my entire being, that I have found the one person that I know I will love forever. Yes, I too was weak, long ago. Now, I'm glad that I have my children, they've kept me strong all these years.

Of lost love? It will remain lost. I will journey far and wide to find myself in this lifetime, to find some peace as I grow old. But that lost love will remain forever lost even if it finds it way back to me.

two novels...

I have just read two novels by Nicholas Sparks. They were recommended to me by my best friend. In all reality, I don't know why people tend to do this to themselves. Read about a great love story and cry simply because that is all we can do, read about them. I have no doubt that some people have actually been blessed to have the kind of love we often read in novels, but there are equally the same number of couples left with their hearts broken. Still we read about them or watch them in the movies, and cry, and hope, we always hope that in the end, we'd be able to say we experienced that kind of love too.